Karma's not fair! Am I paying for my sins in a former life by gaining weight?
AS PART of my new year's aim not to bankrupt us, I decided to recycle my wardrobe. Not the actual wardrobe obviously but the mounds of clothes that lie abandoned inside. So in the spirit of frugality I went to the dressmakers last week to see could she recycle a dress bought two years with the tag still on it and never worn. I actually had forgotten I had the dress and only discovered it when looking for my stretchy jeans (more anon). when I fitted it on, let's just say it was a bit on the tight side. Firstly my bosoms were spilling out the neck of it, like two unsightly puddings. Marginally surprised, (oooh where did they come from?) I stared at my newfound décolletage, wondering would it be considered extravagant buy some new lingerie to show them off. I wasn't so happy with my little pot belly that has developed as a result of obscene amounts of food and drink over Christmas. As for my backside, well, the less said about that the better. Suffice to say I seem to have accumulted plenty of padding over the last few months which is not a bad thing as long as that padding is pert. Mine aint. Still I tried to be positive - I wasn't in bad nick for a woman of a certain age. Then the dressmaker took out her measuring tape and started calling out my vital statistics to all and sundry. When she got to my hips, she shouted, "38 inches," to her cohort who was taking down my details.
"What?!" I shrieked slightly hysterically. "That can't be right. My hips aren't 38 inches. Are you sure you don't mean centimetres?" I asked hopefully. For the last twenty years my hips have been 33 - 34 inches, how the hell could they have grown four inches without me knowing? The dressmaker looked at me straight in the eye and said with that abrasive manner only Eastern Europeans can get away with, without sounding rude, "No. I tell you. Your hips are 38 inches." Christ on a bike! I nearly had heart failure. This is what I get after years of being effortlessly thin despite continuously abusing my body." Up until now, I've never had to exercise or watch or what I eat much to the envy of my friends. While many of them were killing themselves counting points, starving themselves and pounding the roads in a bid to get into that little black dress.i have never had to make an effort. After forty something years of doing feck all to stay in shape, it's finally caught up with me. I have a sneaking suspicion this could be called Karma. So a health kick has been started. I spent hours this week chopping fecking vegetables, and eating fruit instead of biscuits. I did twenty arm stretches on Monday and walked the dog on Tuesday . I didn't even succumb when Himself made burgers and chips the other night. And guess what? I've put on TWO POUNDS. I've definitely done something really bad in a former life and now it's come back to bite me on my well-padded bum!
- O'mahony Justine
